Firstly, those two things do not have to be separated. But what happens when there is sex without connection, when our bodies are connected but our energy and emotional centers are not?
If only parents would teach kids about real love, instead of dealing with their own troubles and struggling to express unconditional love towards their children and each other. If only the Internet would show us how to talk openly and touch each other properly, instead of meaningless hardcore porn with the main goal of penetration. Then we would have such a different idea of what normal is.
For many people penetration is the goal. But is that what we really want? What if what we consider as normal is only what most people usually do, and there is much more healthy and fulfilling way?
Once a person feels how it is to be completely present in any intimate meeting (and feels two minds open wide), it’s so intensely awesome it may even become a little bit frightening. That meeting can be very physical, penetration included, and highly energized. But also it can be not physical at all. Where you have a deep connection through the eyes, honestly sharing all your emotions with your partner. After this experience you start to change your mind and attitude towards sex.
Let’s be clear, I’m not saying I don’t like sex. I’m saying the foundation should be a loving connection. That connection is like a full body heat that appears and warms up my head as well as all parts of my body. That universal trust and love is penetrating my body. Tears appear in my eyes, even if I don’t feel sad. It’s just my soul that needs a little cleansing and it happens to me via tears. My body trembles all over and I long to share more of my essence. You suddenly feel complete and high.
These are some of the states that people may feel when they touch something deep inside. The only way to connect with someone is first to connect with yourself, that’s why it can be scary. You probably know this situation from your life, like when you meet someone whom you can be open with and it gets intense. Your heart is opening and you feel in love. It may come in up to a point and then you take a step back and shut down again. That’s the fear of our inner demons. We protect ourselves so we don’t have to meet them.
It is in our depths where the angels and demons reside. As we dive there we can choose to meet them and discover what they are like, because Jing and Jang, our two different poles, will always be there. And the demon is not always as scary as you imagine him. When you have the courage to face the dark side you’re soon rewarded by meeting the light parts of yourself.
I feel any intimate meeting is like a dance, I’m listening to my body, to my feelings and opening up to be aware of anything that’s real for me at the present moment.
When in a state of full awareness I can share with my intimate partner things I’m willing to share. Instead of saying ‘give me more’, I can say ‘thank you for what you’re sharing with me’ – that’s already the big gift. It can be less than we want but that’s the risk. It’s about letting go of any agenda or plan and simply being in the reality of the moment. And receiving the best we’re able to.
And at other times you may get much more than you expected, finding that beautiful place where you can both meet. And it’s like suddenly there is only one melody, not two any more, for as long you allow it last.
This is encouragement for you to find out what is natural for you. What is your way to meet someone? Are there any patterns to be changed? If you want to, please feel free to share your personal experiences in the comments.
Tantra is one of the ways to learn more about this topic. If you are interested about the sessions we offer visit please our menu at hegre-art.com/tantra