Yes, my dear, I’m talking about sex, or making love – it’s up to you what you prefer to call it.
Usually, the woman is the one who shows restraint, right? She doesn’t want to jump into bed immediately at the beginning of a relationship. She knows what’s important and waits for the right moment, when she knows a deeper connection is possible. She unconsciously knows that sexual intercourse will influence her for a long time. And the quality of this experience depends on many things. Sex is like a roof that graces the rest of the house. But it’s obvious that the roof without the basement has lost any meaning.
So what does this house actually look like? It’s only up to you what kind of materials you use. Your house is your choice. For me the most important qualities are very simple things. But often people forget about them very quickly. For example, clear communication is important to me. I’m very clear about my needs and wishes, preferring to be completely open about what I like and don’t like. So, no, I don’t go a hundred times around a subject that needs to be discussed. Wouldn’t life be easier if we all simply said what’s on our mind?
The next important quality is empathy and listening to your partner. We have mastered the art of being honest and clear. And now we need to be sure that our partner will accept this truth. In the beginning of this approach, it is enough to simply listen to each other, to let your partner express what he/she needs to express. And take a breath before you start to oppose them. Maybe there is more than one way to look at things. This is what empathy is all about. And sometimes there is no answer or solution needed, just a hug and gentle caress as a nonverbal expression of your compassion for your partner.
So that’s only two things: expressing and listening, right? But in actual fact this is significant learning. And it takes some time to find the best way of communicating with a new (or old) partner.
But before we start to communicate on nonverbal levels by body movement and connecting our sexual centre physically, it’s good to be sure we managed the verbal communication. Of course we may feel the need to say something while we make love, but it’s not about chatting.
So yes, talk, talk and talk about your experiences, about your boundaries, about your favourite things and about your dreams that you want to explore with your partner. We can feel comfortable if we know what our partner likes and dislike. A person naturally acquires this skill when there is enough time before getting sexually intimate. I guess universal timing doesn’t exist. We’re all different. And the reason why I talk about it is because women often feel obliged to have sex when they see a hard on.
I understand it’s not easy to resist rushing to have sex, when your mind has very strong erotic ideas in it. But if you want to have a goddess in your bed, instead of a servant, you need to be patient, especially before having sex for the first time.
I really want to challenge you, that as the man you can be the one who shows restraint with first time intercourse. There is a never-ending land of other mutual enjoyment. Be playful and curious. Firstly, she will most probably be very surprised. And please don’t think of this as a game or strategy. It will only work when your intentions are for a deeper, more loving connection.
After your goddess understands that you give time for both of you she will be very grateful. She will transform your gift into a very feminine expression of love. She will honour your penis for the respect that you have shown and she will take care of him like he is the most special one in the world.
And remember that we have unlimited number of tries to get this right. And also remember that the goddess is there but sometimes she’s hiding and with time your eyesight will get sharper.
If there is anything you’re curious about, you can share it below in the comments. If you feel you want to try to reconnect with your partner and learn more, please visit our couples section: www.hegre-art.com/tantra/couples and book your preferred session.