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TantraBlog

What is a relationship?

by Bara November 11 | 2014

What is a relationship?

I’ve come to realise that to answer this question we need to look beyond the usual things that happen in a relationship; like going on dates or everyday married life things. Instead, we should look beyond what we can see and focus on the actual dynamic of the relationship.

Relationships are about finding the balance between two people; and, in the end, also the balance inside each of us. That’s why we’re meeting opposite poles of ourselves, and discovering new aspects of our own characters. Because that’s the learning required to walk the path to greater harmony.

A common combination is a very quiet person and an easily explosive partner. Why? Because they are the teachers of each other. The quiet, more passive person shows the receptive and feminine quality to the partner. And visa versa. It’s probable that the bigger the distance between two people’s differences the more difficult it is to maintain harmony and peace in that relationship. But for many people they’re naturally tempted into this kind of relationship.

This is just an example, but every relationship scenario is always a learning experience and may also cause beautiful healing, too. I believe that we can become enlightened through conscious relationships.

As a person slowly balances himself, he will naturally meet more balanced people. Then he will probably look back at crazy arguments of the past and shake his head in disbelief.

But, of course, we have to fall off the bike many times before we become a good rider. And we’ll never regret those falls because now we can enjoy the pleasure of riding fast when we want, or simply slowing down if we feel like it.

For your convenience some comments has been automatically translated to your language of choice. Click "SHOW ORIGINAL TEXT" on the auto translated comments to read the original.

3650
PREMIUM Member
Personal Relationships
I believe that all happy and successful personal relationships are based upon honesty, trust and the patience to communicate and understand each others' points of view over a wide variety of subjects. It is not necessary to agree about everything, but to accept that there's more than one way of perceiving things.
Heart longing: Understanding unconditional love

Do you know that time at the beginning of new relationship when everything is new and you’re slowly getting to know each other? You’re figuring out how you want to share your time together. What often happens at this stage is one person wants the other more. The desire is strong and you’re not sure whether the other person is able to take it, or if he or she will run away.

I’m sure everyone experiences this tender period, when the desires are strong and patience necessary. We can choose to manipulate the other person to make them want us. And sometimes we’ll be successful, but it will never be pure love anymore or fulfilling for us.

We’re like a moon flower opening only under the light of a full moon. When the light touches the flower she can trust that this is the right moment to open and blossom in a very tender and special way. She is waiting for this moment and it’s impossible to fake or manipulate her to open quicker.

When two people get together it’s like two special flowers, each has their own time when it’s possible to open and blossom. And sometimes it takes a fucking long time and the other is already getting crazy or thinking it will never happen.

I want to talk about a longing that you may also experience. I have just discovered this feeling. While not knowing exactly what I can expect from the person I like, the desire to manipulate the situation is there.

But when I overcome the temptation to manipulate the person and their feelings and have trust that everything is perfect as it is, then I enter a place of ‘heart longing’. It’s about simply waiting for this beautiful flower to open to me, not trying to open it.

It can be a very difficult feeling when I want someone and he is not sure if he is ready to open too. When I say ‘open’ I mean the kind of vulnerable and sensitive intimate space where I would like to meet him. I did not understand why it happened so many times to me, until I understood that god blessed me to be able to feel strong desire for men, for love, for intimacy.

This state of heart longing is like a moment of inspiration for me. I can use the clarity of my mind in a creative way, which gives me boundless possibilities. The soul knows exactly what the body needs because this is a moment of perfect connection between all aspects of your being. This feeling may only last for a couple of minutes, but time doesn’t matter here. And it doesn’t mater if we get what we want, what’s important is to transmit the desire into heart longing, the universal love that has no conditions.

What I mean is that we should not put any expectations onto the subject of our desire, because we don’t want to kill the flower that inspired us. But definitely we need to have many subjects of the desire to move us forward.

At least, I do! Thank you my sweet men!

For your convenience some comments has been automatically translated to your language of choice. Click "SHOW ORIGINAL TEXT" on the auto translated comments to read the original.

3650
PREMIUM Member
Unconditional Love
As I understand it, Tantra teaches that unconditional love is not focussed only on a particular individual, but includes everybody. That leaves no space for possessiveness or jealously and means that a Daka or Dakini can love unconditionally,( and make love unconditionally with), anyone at any time in any place; which is the basis of your practice in Barcelona and of Dakas/Dakinis everywhere.
3561
PREMIUM Member
Heart longing
Bara that is a beautiful concept beautifully described; you do write so very well! I have felt this way many times and the waiting for that special moment when both hearts are ready to make an emotional commitment to the other has ranged from nothing at all to some months to never (or maybe just not yet!). Patience is its own reward as is the trust that if it is right, it will be and if it is not, it won't.
You know foreplay, but what about “afterplay”?

If a movie has a perfect beginning and excellent ending, the middle part can be average and you’ll still feel like you enjoyed it. But if the beginning is bad and the end is crap, it doesn’t matter if the middle section is good – you’re not likely to recommend it to your friends. And like it is with movies, so it is for everything, including lovemaking.

I guess you know where I’m coming from. I don’t want to give you a recipe on how to make love. I just want to remind you that “afterplay” is as important as foreplay. Did you know that? It just means that a smooth landing is as important as a gentle and sensitive beginning. How crazy you get in between is really up to you! But remember that the moment of contenting and the moment of separating are incredibly delicate moments.

Much has been written about foreplay. But what is “afterplay”? Well, for more sensitive people, a quick separation after climax can be like dropping cold water on them. For many people a smooth landing is important for feeling safe and comfortable. Why not give a few more minutes to your lover after you both went wild and crazy (and hopefully had a few orgasms)?

After climax you want to ground yourself again. It’s a beautiful time when, together, you can consciously come to the end of this intimate meeting. Maybe it’s as simple as keeping eye contact while silently lying next to each other. You have shared wildness and passion, so why not the silence too? It’s like the biggest appreciation for your partner.

So please don’t leave your lover right after, maybe there are more gifts that you can receive from each other. And I wish you exciting and deep moments while exploring new possibilities.

For your convenience some comments has been automatically translated to your language of choice. Click "SHOW ORIGINAL TEXT" on the auto translated comments to read the original.

9096
PREMIUM Member
afterplay
Amen!! Beautifully said!! And absolutely spot on correct!

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